hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
