i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
