I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
