trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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