Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
