she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
