Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize