His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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