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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

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• (818): View more from California

  I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

  (310): View more from California

  wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

  (818): View more from California

  why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

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• (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  we should get together and get drunk.

  (863): View more from Florida

  On a Monday?

  (813): View more from Florida

  don't discriminate against mondays.

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• (310): View more from California

  The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.

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