its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Every concussion has its silver lining
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
