It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
