peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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