My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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