lets start a swedish sibling band together
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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