if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize