dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
