it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
