Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize