why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
