my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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