She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize