The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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