I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
