Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
