I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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