Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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