??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize