next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
