Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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