I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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