My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
