I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
