please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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