we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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