at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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