Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize