If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
