oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he fucked my hip out of place.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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