what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
