I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
