So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
