Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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