you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
