I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
