I think I died a long time ago.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
