yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was like eating out sand paper
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
