Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
