Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am naked and annoyed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
