I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
