the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
