I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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