If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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