He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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