I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
