it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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