remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
