Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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