Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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