So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
