i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
