matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize