I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
