There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
