You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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