Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
