I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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