You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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