My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
